Weekend Dispatch #38

Hello, and welcome to the Weekend Dispatch, 

Inside: Furries, freezers and a new Robin Hood.

Let’s get to it.

We started the week in Greece — in Arcadia, to be specific — where Fonie Mitsopoulou reported on the polytheist communities reviving the worship of the ancient Greek gods.

It’s a gloriously strange piece, featuring aliens, togas and a doctor from London. You can read it here.

And once you’ve done that, check out the footage from this month’s Phallophoria parade in Athens, where worshippers honour Dionysus by marching through the streets with giant phalluses.

A perfect way to start your Sunday.

Then on Thursday, we returned to London for an exclusive essay by none other than Will Self (!).

In typically digressive prose, Self reflects on being diagnosed with cancer — and on the conversations he has with Uber drivers en route to hospital.

As David, one reader, put it: “A delight to learn Mr Self still sends me to the dictionary during most paragraphs — and continues to blend discourse, history and polemic, often within a single sentence.”

Read the whole thing here.

Now, to the biggest story of the week: the arrest of the man formerly known as Prince Andrew.

On his birthday, Andrew was plucked from his residence in Sandringham and taken to the police station in nearby Aylsham, one of Norfolk’s historic market towns. 

Inside, he was — according to reports — treated like a “common criminal suspect”.

But what does a “common criminal suspect” look like in Aylsham?

Well, judging by recent local arrests, he might look like a bank worker who fleeced vulnerable customers, a thief who assaulted an emergency worker, or a man who decided to commit criminal damage inside the police station.

Or he might look like a local civil servant caught with hundreds of indecent images of children.

Make of that what you will.

It's standard protocol for police stations to offer replacement clothing to detainees when necessary.

However, a recent inspection of Aylsham's police station found there was no replacement underwear for men.

Is your local pub at risk of closing?

A social data scientist, Lauren Leek, has created a model ranking 50,000 pubs by vulnerability. 

You can check if your local is safe here.

And so the Winter Olympics draw to a close, with new heroes minted and new villains identified.

Spare a thought, though, for Poland’s two silver medallists, who finished one place short of the most generous Olympic gold package going.

Before the Games, Poland announced that individual gold medallists would receive PLN 500,000 (£103,000) in cash, plus PLN 250,000 (£51,750) in crypto tokens — plus a two-bedroom flat, a Toyota Corolla, and assorted jewellery and holiday vouchers.

Speaking of athletes, over in China, a group of teenage paper-plane obsessives have broken the world record for longest flight — the first time it’s been beaten in 15 years.

The previous record was 29.2 seconds (set in 2010). On February 11, the Chinese team broke it multiple times, reaching 31.25 seconds.

Last December, the same group also broke the distance record, flying a paper plane 98.43 metres.

Do you still have your Christmas tree knocking about?

Hopefully not — but if you do, here’s a use for it. 

On the Fylde coast in Lancashire, locals have been burying discarded Christmas trees in sand to help protect the seafront.

Within weeks, sometimes days, they morph into sand dunes. You can find out more about the project here.

There are a few staples of a British train station: a crap coffee shop, overpriced tickets, and pigeons bumbling about like they own the place.

Well, the authorities at Manchester Victoria station have decided enough is enough — and hired pest-control “marksmen” to shoot pigeons with pellets.

On one particularly bloody day last October, 29 pigeons were killed. The British Transport Police are now investigating.

Why should we care about pigeons?

Apart from the basic decency thing, they’re genuinely remarkable creatures.

Just ask Terry Goodsell, 76, a pigeon fancier profiled by Róisín Lanigan last year.

Meanwhile, over in India, a pigeon-themed political intervention has not gone to plan.

This year was meant to be the moment Mumbai’s pigeons got their champions — via the much-hyped Shanti Doot Jankalyan Party, formed to oppose attempts to curb pigeon-feeding ahead of last month’s local elections.

There was just one snag: the SDJKP failed to register as a political party in time.

Do you know the difference between a furry and a therian?

A furry is someone who cosplays as an animal, perhaps a unicorn, wolf or lion. 

A therian goes deeper: they claim an enduring psychological or spiritual identification with the animal they embody.

And Argentina, of all places, appears to be in the middle of a therian surge. 

Videos show groups hanging out on beaches and in parks, and occasionally… fighting? playing?

It’s hard to say. Either way: it’s a scene.

Readers will know Natasha Carthew from her blistering Dispatch piece on drug addiction in Cornwall.

Her forthcoming book, Rough Edges, explores the untold stories of Britain’s coastline communities — and it’s every bit as sharp as you’d expect. 

You can pre-order it here with 25% off.

Robin Hood appears to have sailed across the Atlantic.

In Montreal, an activist group calling itself Les Robins des ruelles (Robins of the Alleyways) has started raiding grocery stores and sabotaging logging operations in a nearby forest.

They claim they’re delivering stolen goods to community kitchens and low-cost housing complexes.

If you know anyone involved, get in touch.

Have you been to the back aisle of the Co-Op supermarket on Ecclesall Road, Sheffield?

According to one Redditor: “It’s like all the fans have been carefully tuned to the calmest droning chord ever… like being in an electrical gong bath.”

Judging by the dozens of replies, he’s not the only one making repeat trips to relax.

"I have a tip for anyone who wants to listen but not be seen as weird,” another user advises.

“I went in the other day to ask for floss but they don’t sell it. So there’s your excuse. Wander around the back. Listen to the Freezer of Tranquility. Ask the staff if they have floss as you make your way back. Slink out.”

Finally: spare a thought for the residents of Clogga in County Clare, who are being terrorised by woodpeckers.

The birds keep pecking electricity poles, causing outages — and because they’re protected, there’s not much anyone can do about it. 

Authorities are now considering replacing wooden poles with metal ones.

Sports latest:

Yesterday, the Florida Man Games returned to... Florida.

Next Friday, the Pangong Frozen Lake Marathon takes place in Ladakh, India.